How true is this for you…
“We generally underplay the positive changes we can make with affirming the strengths of others, while overplaying the perspective that ‘things will never change’.” MGF
I say it this way as it seems easy for most to expect more negative than positive both at work and in our personal lives. Certainly, the negative dominates social media and news outlets. And, if we are honest, many of our conversations center around it too, especially when it comes to expecting positive change.
We can all help to make this different. It starts with that which we focus on and answering a core question about life — do we believe the positive and good around us is stronger than the negative and bad? Our answer fashions our expectations AND our hopes.
I personally believe our world is filled with much “good” (actually way more than our present perceptions), especially as it connects with others. I also believe that change is always possible when hope is joined with this vision. I say this in the face of what seems like the opposite circumstances around us. Into these circumstances, though, I believe there is much we each can give to each other gifts of goodness and hope. One of the best gifts is our belief in one another’s strengths and presence. I encourage you to make sharing affirmation like this a priority of your day. You matter, as does everyone we encounter. When we share this kind of affirmation, we elevate this worth in both us and others. Let’s work together to prove it.
Category Archives: Cultural Markers
Affirming Strengths
Relationship-Building Communication
What we say to others and how we offer it reveals our motives in many, if not most circumstances. Whether positive or negative, our communication experiences with others proves this out. Think about the last time someone shared something and although they couldn’t find all the words, we knew exactly what they meant and its positive message. Also consider a different conversation where certain words were used that seemed positive, but because of how they shared it, we realized their intent was not so much. Both point out one key thing – our communication impacts. The question becomes what kind of impact we want to have.
Give some thought to this statement…
Life-giving communication promotes mutual understanding (not necessarily mutual agreement), building and strengthening a relational bridge where ideas, strategies and perspectives can be valued and exchanged. MGF
Exchanging communication with someone normally reflects the present state of our perspective with them personally, the topic we are discussing or a circumstance affecting us both. Our ability to do so with purpose and clarity helps to frame our connections with understanding, even if opposite viewpoints are held. Understanding one another doesn’t have to mean always agreeing. The point comes down to what we are trying to build in our connections. For instance, if we want to be right, very little understanding will occur and the quality of our connections can diminish. In contrast, if you want deeper more sustained connections with greater understanding, it begins with wanting to build a “relational bridge”. What is the key building block of this kind of bridge? Valuing the other person and seeking to understand them and their perspective. Doing so makes being connected of utmost importance, sometimes more important than wanting to be right.
How can we strengthen our relationship-building communication skills? Here are few tips:
- Be purposeful to value your connection with others more than always needing or having something to say.
- Ask questions to invite the sharing of ideas, strategies and perspectives from those around you.
- Take time to stand in another’s vantage point to see what they are seeing.
- Look for details that are similar between their perspective and yours.
- If different, look for ways to speak value to someone else’s view.
- Express your gratitude to them for sharing and being honest towards you, and especially for your connection with them.
We choose daily what our personal communication is used for. Let’s decide to build relational bridges where connection with others is key for the purpose of mutual understanding. As we do, we will discover that our building in this way gives all of us a greater capacity to handle any circumstance that arises. Doing life together in this manner becomes more purposeful and centered with real and lasting impact.
Growing Through Challenges
Ask yourself this question – When I’m faced with a challenge, either with myself, others or circumstances, what is my initial reaction?
- Do I judge it as a weakness or failure with drama?
Or…
- Do I focus on it being an opportunity for changing something towards greater growth and success?
We likely all have responded in both ways. The key question lies in the pattern of our gut-level reaction. Our ability to walk in truthful self-awareness of our reactions will in fact dictate what we emphasize and focus on during these moments. Excellence in all forms arises from seeing challenges as stepping stones to something greater.
Embracing and strengthening a “growth” perspective is largely a daily choice. As such, what we practice becomes our “nature”. Impactful leaders cultivate a growth-oriented perspective which is vital to sustainable success.
Need some practice tips? Here are a few to help – I’m sure you will think of others:
- Calibrate your Emotions – Our feelings are part of us yet, cannot lead us. They can be a window into our hearts and the beliefs we hold about what is around us. A strong reaction can be an important tip off of something deeper to be explored personally. However, when dealing with yourself, others or even circumstances, keep them in check.
- Embrace Changes – Life ceases to be such without change. From the moment we were conceived, life reflects an on-going expression of change. This includes our internal lives of our heart, mind and will. The one constant we experience is that life will not be constant. We can make change a part of our decisions (causing growth) or contend against it and stay stuck.
- Value the Long-term – While we all experience life “in the moment”, a long-term vision helps us hold our moments with the weight they deserve. Even in moments of great impact, whether joy-filled or intensely painful, the capacity we all have to weave these into a larger life story depends on how we hold them. We can get stuck in moments and define all of our life by them. In contrast, we can make them but a part of other moments towards something greater or even different.
- Connect with your personal community – Our personal lives can only be fully experienced in connection with others. Isolated, personal reflection is certainly key to personal awareness and growth. However, the encouragements and support of those around us fill in and fill out what we understand of “ourselves”. If we are left to only ourselves, we become self-absorbed and self-centered humans who will disesteem others for the sake of me, myself and I. Focusing only on what others think of me devalues the reality of my uniqueness through personal awareness. Both are key for us to understand ourselves and how others relate to us. The feedback from both becomes an important, and needful opportunity for growth and change.
None of us are exempt from challenges. How we respond to them determines what kind of opportunity we embrace. As leaders, the stakes are even higher. The challenges we face and our ability to create growth from them defines both our role and effect on those we serve. Excellence arises as we recognize the best that can come from the challenges we encounter. Let’s make growth our choice!
Our Lingering Presence
“The words, attitudes and actions we express become our presence in others when we are not around.” MGF
Consider a leader of your past that you hold with honor for their positive impact on your life. What do you feel about them? I suspect if you were to see them again today, these same feelings would spring to the forefront as you interact with them. In effect, even though years may have passed, their “presence” has remained with you through how they treated you in the past. That presence defines their life to you and how you would re-engage with them now.
Whether we are leaders or not, we all create this kind of “lingering presence” in every other human we interact with, whether intentionally or not. As such, the importance of paying attention to how we interact cannot be understated. Consistency of our attitudes/actions/words plays a key role in that which lingers as well as the frequency of our interaction. The more we interact, the more we reinforce the kind of presence we create.
As leaders, our lingering presence with those we serve becomes even more pronounced and impactful. Time together, expectations for results, conflict potential, and leadership styles all contribute to increased impact over time in a leadership environment. Realizing the outcomes of our leadership in the lives of others, in particular the kind of presence it creates, is in one way, our responsibility. I would hope we actually make it something greater — a willing priority out of respect for ourselves and for those we serve.
Determining this presence doesn’t have to be an unknown. We all have choices to help create and establish that which lingers in the perspectives of others. Here are a few choices we can make as part of our leadership journey to create the presence we want:
- Identify Key Values – What are those qualities that are most important to you for defining your life and connecting with others?
- Practice towards Consistency – Prioritize and drive your attitudes, actions and words with your key values.
- Esteem Feedback – Ask regularly about what others are believing about you as outcomes of your leadership interactions.
- Adjust Often – Be quick to own mistakes or failures and then make a change, as needed, to connect more accurately to your key values.
We all create lives that touch others. That which lingers as presence in those we lead depends on what we offer day in and day out. When a positive priority, leadership becomes a joyful encouragement in the lives of others. That’s a legacy worth the effort!
The Power of the “Ask”
Challenging most, if not all of us, is an internal battle over how we often assume on others their motive or reasons rather than ask directly. I suspect we tend to default to assumptions more commonly, which raises the question of why. What in us compels us to focus on imaginings rather than offered truth from the source? Our reasons are likely varied and usually justified in our minds. As leaders, however, I believe this key internal battle needs addressing towards a different approach for the sake of those we lead. Assuming leads to mistrust from others, while asking questions honors and elevates their perspective as valuable in the matter.
So, what goes into a good and healthy “ask”? First, our intention to listen towards understanding is a must. Going through the motions to feign value for their explanation creates greater mistrust when it becomes obvious their input didn’t matter in our subsequent actions. If you find yourself not really interested in understanding, take some time to step back and reflect as to why. Only move forward with questioning when you can honestly work from that motivation.
Second, the specific kind of “ask” you offer is important. Clear, direct and honoring questions have a way of bringing what is valued to the forefront for both you who are asking and those who are responding. In most circumstances, an “ask” that is more open-ended gives greater opportunity for the responder to give their own thoughts without any type of “answer-prompting”. At a core relational level, asking for one’s perspective to help you understand them reflects your respect for them. Doing so consistently serves as connection points of trust-building that supports deepening relationship through time and circumstances. Impactful leaders understand this truth and make it a priority in their leadership culture.
The following are a few examples of “asks” (i.e. open-ended questions) that can help bring understanding…
- “Can you help me understand your reaction just now to what I said?”
- “What are your thoughts on the directions/choices I just presented?”
- “Would you elaborate more about __________?”
- “What am I missing in your explanation?”
- “How do you see us moving forward?”
- “How does the process work now?”
- “What kind of challenges are you facing in this circumstance?”
- “What is your most important priority to you with this and why?
- “You used the term(s) ________________. Can you explain what that means to you?”
- “You said you are frustrated – can you share with me what has caused this?”
As you relate to others, think about the times you assume on other’s motives or actions. Purpose to instead use the power of the “Ask”. Doing so builds meaningful relationships of trust and honor with those you serve and further esteems the value of authentic honesty.
Mark Francis
Cultural Legacy
Each and every one of us are building an impactful history, or legacy, on a daily basis. Every decision we make, each conversation we take part in, the actions we repeat, and the values we hold to all contribute to the individual culture, or relational environment, we create for ourselves and those who walk the path with us. What lasting impact or mark on the world do I want to leave? If not by our design, the answer will lie in what we practice day in and day out, more specifically how others feel around us. Impactful, life-giving leaders who leave a legacy that lives on after them treasure those around them through mutual honor and respect. They live as a leader motivated by humble honor, willing to serve so that others can discover their own worth and make their unique contribution in their sphere of influence. Whatever our organizational description we are a part of, it serves in many ways as simply the backdrop for building cultural legacy that endures, calling those after us to a higher road. What marks your legacy?
The Trust Bridge
Imagine the strongest bridge you have traveled upon. Regardless of its size, the distance it spans, or the two areas it connects, building this connecting pathway took planning, time and foundational pillars sunk into deep bedrock. Building trust with others, especially with co-workers, takes many of the same qualities. Intentional effort to honor and value others, faithful consistency in word and action, and the time-tested fulfillment of spoken promises each provide the necessary materials for building an enduring and strong trust bridge with others. In many ways, on-going trust behaves more like a living thing, than something that is accomplished and finished. A virtue that needs faithful attention and intentional valuing, its presence inserts itself into every aspect of organizational life. Take a moment today to evaluate your trust bridges with those you walk with. Are you making each of them stronger and connecting with others in a secure way? Make 2016 the year of strengthening each of your trust bridges.
Needing Encouragement?
Like fresh water, encouragement is a daily drink for our souls that brings life to our hearts through vision and hope. Unfortunately for too many of us, we can go days without receiving it from those around us regardless of their role in our life. However each of us can change that. Encouragement can come in the spoken or written word and actions that affirm one’s journey, gifts or character. What it takes is a vision to look around and see others beyond yourself. But, to do so takes intent and purpose. Don’t know where to start? I would love to help. Let’s connect and explore it together. Who knows, you just might get encouraged along the way!
Discovery & Encouragement
Red Beryl Consulting 