How true is this for you…
“We generally underplay the positive changes we can make with affirming the strengths of others, while overplaying the perspective that ‘things will never change’.” MGF
I say it this way as it seems easy for most to expect more negative than positive both at work and in our personal lives. Certainly, the negative dominates social media and news outlets. And, if we are honest, many of our conversations center around it too, especially when it comes to expecting positive change.
We can all help to make this different. It starts with that which we focus on and answering a core question about life — do we believe the positive and good around us is stronger than the negative and bad? Our answer fashions our expectations AND our hopes.
I personally believe our world is filled with much “good” (actually way more than our present perceptions), especially as it connects with others. I also believe that change is always possible when hope is joined with this vision. I say this in the face of what seems like the opposite circumstances around us. Into these circumstances, though, I believe there is much we each can give to each other gifts of goodness and hope. One of the best gifts is our belief in one another’s strengths and presence. I encourage you to make sharing affirmation like this a priority of your day. You matter, as does everyone we encounter. When we share this kind of affirmation, we elevate this worth in both us and others. Let’s work together to prove it.
Tag Archives: Encouragement
Affirming Strengths
Relationship-Building Communication
What we say to others and how we offer it reveals our motives in many, if not most circumstances. Whether positive or negative, our communication experiences with others proves this out. Think about the last time someone shared something and although they couldn’t find all the words, we knew exactly what they meant and its positive message. Also consider a different conversation where certain words were used that seemed positive, but because of how they shared it, we realized their intent was not so much. Both point out one key thing – our communication impacts. The question becomes what kind of impact we want to have.
Give some thought to this statement…
Life-giving communication promotes mutual understanding (not necessarily mutual agreement), building and strengthening a relational bridge where ideas, strategies and perspectives can be valued and exchanged. MGF
Exchanging communication with someone normally reflects the present state of our perspective with them personally, the topic we are discussing or a circumstance affecting us both. Our ability to do so with purpose and clarity helps to frame our connections with understanding, even if opposite viewpoints are held. Understanding one another doesn’t have to mean always agreeing. The point comes down to what we are trying to build in our connections. For instance, if we want to be right, very little understanding will occur and the quality of our connections can diminish. In contrast, if you want deeper more sustained connections with greater understanding, it begins with wanting to build a “relational bridge”. What is the key building block of this kind of bridge? Valuing the other person and seeking to understand them and their perspective. Doing so makes being connected of utmost importance, sometimes more important than wanting to be right.
How can we strengthen our relationship-building communication skills? Here are few tips:
- Be purposeful to value your connection with others more than always needing or having something to say.
- Ask questions to invite the sharing of ideas, strategies and perspectives from those around you.
- Take time to stand in another’s vantage point to see what they are seeing.
- Look for details that are similar between their perspective and yours.
- If different, look for ways to speak value to someone else’s view.
- Express your gratitude to them for sharing and being honest towards you, and especially for your connection with them.
We choose daily what our personal communication is used for. Let’s decide to build relational bridges where connection with others is key for the purpose of mutual understanding. As we do, we will discover that our building in this way gives all of us a greater capacity to handle any circumstance that arises. Doing life together in this manner becomes more purposeful and centered with real and lasting impact.
Defining Consistency
All stories communicate both obvious and less obvious (sometimes hidden) details of events and circumstances serving as the framework for the story. The same is true of both our personal and work life stories. Also real are the stories we write as leaders. Even though we are the main authors of all our individual stories, something else can be truer and more impactful to our story as experienced by others – the degree of consistency we demonstrate with what we say and do through our lives.
Before we look at this a little closer, let’s get one false idea out of the way first. Consistency does not mean perfection. Instead, the quality of living life consistently involves our intentional efforts to behave in accordance to our internal values over time regardless of the circumstances. Intentional efforts start with both an understanding of what attitudes and actions I want to define me (the result of what I value), and then making the commitment to say and do just that. As you may guess, living in this way isn’t automatic. Rather, it is a practiced ownership of my life in the presence of others. Practiced in that it is a choice I make and ownership because I’m responsible for my all my actions.
As leaders, having our life consistency defined in this manner is even more important because of our potential impact on more people. Leadership consistency creates reasonable expectations about our behaviors (attitudes, ideas, and actions) with those we lead. These expectations are co-written by others in knowing how we will respond to circumstances. Let’s be clear though – consistency is a result, a reflective mirror for others to anticipate our attitudes and actions, whether positive and building, or negative and tearing down. We may think we are consistent and well thought of by those around us, but because they have been the recipient of our collective attitudes and actions OVER time, they have their own story of who we are. Our consistency or inconsistency from their vantage point tells the more accurate picture, and as the primary author of our personal story, having this perspective from others is a gift which we get to use or discard. What we choose to do with it determines whether our consistency grows or diminishes with the corresponding impact on others.
If perfection is not possible then, what happens when I’m inconsistent? First and foremost, how we handle it will determine whether we are building and strengthening our consistency or not. How does that work? Owning without excuse that we were inconsistent with our behaviors both with ourselves and/or others reinforces our attention and value for wanting to be consistent — a truth key of “confessing”. Doing so transforms that failure into a steppingstone of growth. For those around us, humility marks our interactions, and relational respect is strengthened as we honor those we failed with the truth of confession and ownership. In that place, relational integrity is maintained, and can be continued without an experience disconnection. It also gives permission to each of us to accept support and help to become better. If practiced faithfully, our personal consistency will increase and become more a part of our everyday lives.
In contrast, ignoring and not owning our failures of inconsistent behavior blinds us to ourselves and impacts those affected in opposite ways. Mistrust results as relational integrity and connection with them is damaged, with the potential for repair harder and harder without personal ownership. Continued reinforcement here leads to less clarity of our actual behaviors and its effect on others. Ultimately, not only does our leadership come into question, but the negative impact on those we’ve led colors their connection with us. For leaders especially, trust and value for those we lead is everything, thus consistency is critical.
Our behavioral consistency, at a fundamental level, prescribes the level of trust others will be able to have with us, either as a person and/or as a leader. It represents a purposeful direction we choose to pursue for our life over a particular state or attainment level. Failing will happen but what we do with that will dictate growth and more consistency or increased personal brokenness and less consistency. What will our on-going story from others say about us? We get to choose.
The Question “Key”
Insightful, honest and transparent questions serve as powerful “keys” that can unlock darkened vision, forgotten dreams and personal hidden truths. For too long many of us have denied this powerful tool within a relational context and defaulted to believing that these kinds of questions equaled failure. In fact, the opposite it true. One who dares to tread in this realm usually carries a higher vision of “what can be” over “what is”. Isn’t that the kind of people we want in our journey — those who can see something more and are willing to ask about it? If you are ready to take that step, I am willing to take it with you. Let’s explore how we can use this KEY to unlock your best future!
Discovery & Encouragement
Red Beryl Consulting 